HELPING YOUR CHILDREN GROW IN DEALING WITH ANGER

Anger is a natural emotion.  How we get angry – and what we do with our anger – differs from person to person.  The important thing to keep in mind is that we should not let our anger get the better of us.  For many children, however, that seems to be a difficult task.

As parents, we need to be aware of the fact that children’s anger usually comes about through feelings of insecurity, feelings of guilt, failure to accomplish a goal, or loss of a personal possession.  You can help your child deal with anger by serving as a positive role model.  This means that you’ll have to remember that the things that make you angry (whether big or small) will determine the events that your child perceives to be anger causing.

Also, how you deal with your own anger will demonstrate to your child the “proper” way to deal with his or her anger.  In other words, if you throw things around when you’re angry, your child will see that as an acceptable form of behavior.  And, if you keep all your anger bottled up inside, your children will see that as a way of handling the rough moments in his or her life, too.

Here are some ideas that will help your child deal with anger.

Natural and normal.  Discuss with your child the fact that anger is a natural and normal part of everyone’s life.  People get angry at any number of things that happen to them every day.  Anger is a reaction to the environment.  Children need to understand that the environment is far from perfect and does involve some disagreeable times or events.

Displaying anger.  Talk with your child about appropriate ways of displaying anger.  Since there’s no one perfect way that will work for everyone, your child will have to select ways that will allow him or her to vent frustration, release tension and eventually calm down.

Role model.  Be a positive role model for your child.  How you display anger will demonstrate to your child the ways he or she will be able to display anger.  It may be appropriate for you and your child to discuss how you deal with anger, particularly after your child has witnessed a display of your anger.  Let your child know the reasons why you decided to display anger in the way(s) you did.

Be prepared.  Work with your child to list the different situations that could lead to anger on his or her part.  Write down this list (obviously, it won’t be a complete list), and for each item discuss and list an appropriate form of behavior or reaction.  Don’t expect your child to match an even and a listed behavior every time he or she get angry.  Nevertheless, the process will alert your child to some possibilities for reducing anger.

Correct response.  Have your child list the things that created anger during the past week.  Discuss your child’s reaction in each case.  Was the response appropriate?  Would another type of reaction have been better?

Recurring events.  Talk with your child about the recurring events that make him or her angry.  What can be done to reduce or eliminate some of those events?

The way in which we deal with anger has a lot to do with not only our emotional and mental state of health, but also our physical health (high blood pressure, cardiac problems, etc.).  Helping our children deal with this normal human emotion can make a difference in their lives – both emotionally and physically.  Ignoring it may be detrimental to their growth and development.

Reprinted with permission from Anthony D. Fredericks, Author and Associate Professor of Education at York College, York, PA, and a Teaching Editor of Teaching K-8.

If you would like a referral for counseling, contact the Mental Health Association of Erie County, Inc. at (716) 886-1242.